It’s a question as old as time, one that can lead to heartache or happiness, clarity or confusion: are you in lust or love? In a world where instant gratification often takes precedence over true connection, it’s easy to mistake the rush of physical attraction for something deeper. But there’s a significant difference between the fleeting thrills of lust and the enduring, life-giving bond of love. As a Christian woman, understanding this difference isn’t just about guarding your heart—it’s about aligning your relationships with God’s purpose for your life. The same is true for Christian men.
Let’s take a journey together to explore these differences so that by the end, you’ll have the clarity to choose wisely, even if it means walking away from a relationship rooted in lust. Because trust me, real love is worth the wait.
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1. The Rush of Lust: A Temporary High
Lust is like a firework—a dazzling, explosive display that lights up the night sky but quickly fizzles out, leaving only smoke behind. When you’re caught up in lust, it feels exhilarating. Your heart races, your thoughts are consumed by that person, and the physical attraction is almost overwhelming. It’s easy to believe that these intense feelings must be love, but in reality, they’re often driven by physical desire and the allure of the forbidden.
Lust thrives on the surface level. It’s all about appearances, about how that person makes you feel in the moment. The relationship might be intense, but it’s also shallow. There’s no depth, no real understanding of who the other person is beneath the surface. Lust doesn’t care about their character, their values, or their relationship with God. It’s focused solely on satisfying the immediate craving for attention, affection, or validation.
But here’s the thing about lust—it’s temporary. Once the initial thrill wears off, you’re left with emptiness. The connection fades, and you start to see the cracks in what you thought was love. You realize that the foundation of your relationship was built on shifting sand rather than solid rock.
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2. The Depth of Love: A Lasting Bond
Love, on the other hand, is like a well-built house. It takes time to construct, requires effort and commitment, and is built on a foundation of trust, respect, and shared values. Love is patient and kind, as 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 reminds us. It doesn’t boast, it isn’t proud, and it isn’t self-seeking. Love is about putting the other person’s needs before your own and being willing to work through challenges together.
When you’re in love, there’s a deep connection that goes beyond physical attraction. You genuinely care about the other person’s well-being, and you’re committed to supporting them in their walk with God. You’re not just focused on how they make you feel but on how you can grow together as a couple. Love sees the flaws and imperfections but chooses to stay and work through them because the relationship is worth it.
Unlike lust, which is often driven by selfish desires, love is selfless. It’s about sacrifice, about choosing to stay committed even when it’s hard. Love doesn’t waver when the initial excitement fades; it deepens and grows stronger over time. It’s a bond that can withstand the storms of life because it’s built on something real and lasting.
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3. Lust vs. Love: A Clear Contrast
To help you discern whether you’re in lust or love, let’s break down some key differences:
- Motivation: Lust is driven by a desire for physical pleasure or the need to fill an emotional void. Love is motivated by a genuine concern for the other person’s well-being and a desire to build a life together.
- Focus: Lust is focused on the here and now—how the other person makes you feel in the moment. Love, however, looks to the future and considers how you can grow together in faith and partnership.
- Depth: Lust is superficial, concerned with appearances and physical attraction. Love goes deeper, caring about the person’s character, values, and relationship with God.
- Duration: Lust is fleeting, often burning out as quickly as it ignited. Love is enduring, growing stronger over time, and standing the test of trials and challenges.
- Commitment: Lust lacks commitment and is often marked by a reluctance to make long-term plans. Love is committed, willing to work through difficulties, and invest in the relationship.
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4. The Dangers of Settling for Lust
Settling for a relationship based on lust might feel satisfying in the short term, but it comes with serious risks. Lust often leads to unhealthy relationships where one or both parties are using each other to fill a void. It can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and emptiness, especially when the relationship inevitably ends. Worse, it can pull you away from your faith, leading you down a path that’s far from God’s plan for your life.
When you settle for lust, you’re settling for less than God’s best. You’re accepting a counterfeit version of love, one that lacks the depth, commitment, and purpose that true love offers. And while it might be tempting to stay in a relationship because it feels good at the moment, remember that you deserve more. You deserve a love that honors God, that lifts you up, and that brings out the best in you.
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5. Choosing Love: Trusting in God’s Timing
So, how do you move from lust to love? It starts with trusting in God’s timing. Waiting for real love might be challenging, especially in a world that glorifies instant gratification. But remember, God’s plan for your life is far greater than anything you could imagine. He knows the desires of your heart, and He wants to bless you with a relationship that reflects His love.
To cultivate a love that lasts, focus on building a relationship that honors God. Prioritize shared values, spiritual growth, and emotional connection over physical attraction. Take the time to get to know the other person on a deeper level, and don’t rush into a relationship just because it feels exciting. Love takes time, and it’s worth the wait.
Pray for discernment, asking God to reveal the true nature of your relationship. If you find that your connection is rooted in lust, have the courage to walk away. It might be painful in the short term, but it will save you from heartache in the long run.
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6. Choose Wisely, Choose Love
At the end of the day, the choice between lust and love is yours to make. But as a Christian woman, I encourage you to choose wisely. Don’t settle for a relationship that’s built on fleeting feelings and superficial attraction. Wait for the love that God has planned for you—a love that’s deep, enduring, and rooted in faith.
Remember, you are worth the wait. God has someone out there who will love you for who you are, who will walk with you in your faith journey, and who will be by your side through life’s ups and downs. Don’t let lust steal that future from you. Choose love, and trust that God’s timing is perfect.
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Cynthia Garrett broke barriers when she became the first African American woman in the U.S. to host a network late-night show, NBC’s Later with Cynthia Garrett. She is currently seen on TBN and Salem Media networks, as well as on Fox News and other news outlets, addressing cultural issues and today’s news. The Cynthia Garrett Podcasts premiere weekly on all major podcast platforms.
A highly sought-after speaker, author, TV host, and ordained minister, Garrett is the author of The Naked Truth: Reclaiming Sexual Freedom in a Culture of Lies (2024), I Choose Victory: Moving from Victim to Victor (2020), and Prodigal Daughter: A Journey Home to Identity (2016). For more information, visit www.cynthiagarrett.org
Originally published Wednesday, 28 August 2024.
