“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
After the sudden and untimely death of my mother a little over two years ago, an all-consuming and unrecognizable grief hit me like a ton of bricks. While I had experienced loss before, this was different and hurt in ways that pierced right to the core of my being. I was lost and left navigating this life without the one person who always saw the best in me, cheered me on, and essentially could pull me out of the depths of depression.
Now I have become forced to forge on being a mom without my own momma’s wisdom, comfort, and understanding, and it honestly has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. Not only am I facing my own harsh realities, but I am navigating unchartered waters with my daughters who also struggle emotionally and suffer their own bouts of anxiety and depression.
As you can imagine, emotions run high in our family with three daughters, and it can be overwhelming and exhausting at times. That said, we have had numerous discussions on how our thoughts affect how we feel and prompt what we do, festering joy or sorrow, and essentially bringing on guilt, shame, or inconceivable pain. So, the other day when my oldest daughters came home from school to share the devastating news of a classmate who took their own life, my heart sank.
It also resurfaced the excruciating pain and memories of watching my oldest fall into the trap of lies and the agonizing subsequent actions that sprang up over the last two years. Honestly, there is nothing more heartbreaking for a momma’s heart than watching her child drift in life, slowly succumbing to the ways of this world, making reckless decisions, and witnessing how guilt and shame lead to more destructive thoughts, considering life-altering choices.
Watching her battle this pain and then being the brunt of her brutal and emotional lashing, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had the same destructive thoughts. Losing my mom and then going down this dark path with my own daughter has caused an influx of ill emotion, leading me to question my abilities as her mother. Over time, I have grown accustomed and attuned to the circulating feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness as they continually clamor for my attention.
However, that said, the topic of suicidal thoughts and suicidal tendencies has become an evolving conversation in our home out of necessity. We have realized that we must discuss these hard topics so we can be keen and privy to the malicious schemes of the enemy because his sole mission is to get us alone and destroy our hope!
Sweet sister, maybe you are feeling hopeless today. While I don’t know exactly what you are going through, I want to remind you of one thing… the enemy may be very clever, crafty, and extremely cunning (and we need to recognize who we are dealing with), but the truth of the matter is that he has no power over your thoughts! That’s right, he has no idea what you are thinking! Where Satan steals, kills, and destroys based on your actions and behaviors, Jesus comes to deliver us, breathe new life, and restore hope, despite what you are thinking or tending to believe!
So, if I may, let me ask you a question, something I wish someone would have asked me in the depths of my darkness, “Are you okay?” And, yes, it’s okay to admit that you are not.
If you are not okay today, will you do three things for yourself and for the God who truly loves you?
1. Please connect with a trusted friend or counselor as soon as possible. Sharing our hearts with others can do so much good and help us find glimmers of hope in a hopeless situation.
2. Recognize that the negative thoughts are not truth; they are lies from the enemy. God is the only giver and taker of life, and as long as you have breath, He has a purpose for your life.
3. Pray!
If you are unable to pray or just cannot come to a place where your heart can even whisper a prayer, I do understand. But please know that God hears the cries of your heart, even in the silence. Below is a simple prayer that can be said (aloud or silently in your heart) anytime intrusive thoughts emerge. Take heart, sweet sister, and let Jesus be your source of hope:
God, I need You. I am hurting. The weight of the world feels so heavy right now and I just want out. This pain is so consuming, and I can’t seem to see any sign of hope. Please draw near and remind me of Your unwavering love. Help me believe that my life has purpose and that You still have a plan for me. Protect me from the lies of the enemy and grant me the courage to step out in faith, trusting You will be with me every step of the way. God, thank you for not giving up on me and for fighting to remove this darkness with Your bright light of truth. You are a good Father. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Nathan Cowley
Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy. Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.
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