Mr Sir has proposed and you say yes without skipping a beat. You are in love and nothing could be better, you can’t wait to share the rest of your life with him because he is your soulmate, the imperfectly perfect missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle you call your life. Now, with the excitement over and before dowry payment is done, there are certain things to consider before marrying Mr Sir:
1. Last name
Traditionally, women would drop their maiden names and take up their husband’s. But currently, many opt out of it or hyphenate the last name. So a discussion on whether you’ll take up Mr Sir’s last name is important to avoid an argument down the line. For some men, it is essential that his wife take up his last name and for others its no biggie. Sit Mr Sir down and come to a decision.
2. Finances and bills
You need to address the big elephant in the room, how will bills be split? Or will Mr Sir cater for all household matters? Such questions need to be raised and discussed in depth. The current economy is tricky and having a household with two incomes can ease up the burden greatly.
3. Living arrangements
Are you gonna move into Mr Sir’s house/ is he moving into yours? Are you guys moving into a new house? Living arrangements may seem like a minor detail but in some situations, it causes a rift between the newlyweds. Figure out where you will live and establish your roots as a family.
Yes, religion is a discussion that needs to happen. If you two are of different faiths then this topic needs to be dealt with early on. Will one move over to the other’s side? Will you two practice independently? Religion can be a big thorn in your backside and the earlier you come to an agreement the better.
Everyone expects immediately after marriage children happen. Even your mother-in-law is throwing not so subtle hints that the two of you should go at it and give her a grandchild before her time comes. The pressure is unbelievable and may leave you feeling overwhelmed. You and Mr Sir should discuss whether or not you want to make babies and if so, how many do you each of you want? How would you like to raise them? And if you do have kids, which religion will they practice in the initial stages before they find their way? That is if the two of you practice different religions.
6. How to handle the in-laws
In-laws can be overzealous, over-bearing and a whole damn mess. You and Mr Sir should discuss how you will handle them. When they come to visit what is the protocol? Who don’t you want in your house? What boundaries are you going to set? It’s nothing personal really, it just a means to ensure that the in-laws don’t become a bone of contention later on.
These are but a few aspects that need to be taken into consideration before you walk down the aisle. Don’t let the movies lie to you. Marriage is a partnership that comes with a tonne of Ts and Cs. The key is coming to an understanding with your partner.